We made an offer on this crazy awesome house. The awesome part is that just last year, it was worth more than double what it is now, but now WE can afford it because it foreclosed. It's on a cul-de-sac, it's beautiful, in a great neighborhood, in a great location--so many things about it are perfect. The crazy part is that WE are trying to buy it. It's been on the market like 48 hours now, and it has around 20 offers. Because it's that awesome. It would be CRAZY if we get this house.

Our lender is awesome. So is our realtor. They've worked with us so much more than I would have expected this weekend, to help us have the best chance possible of getting this house. But when it comes down to it, we KNOW it will be an act of GOD if they choose OUR offer. Maybe they'll think we're cute and want us to have it? We'd be so much better in an interview than on paper.

I haven't been able to nap this afternoon even though I'm still tired from Passion, because my mind and heart are racing thinking about "OMG what if we get this house?! NO--don't get too excited, there's no way y'all will get it."

And the way I'm coping haha right now is remembering that, as they helped us meditate on at Passion, God does immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. Specifically, Paul gives thanks in Ephesians 3:20 "to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think. . . " I've been able to chill out a little thinking about all the ways I've seen God do ABUNDANTLY MORE in my life than I ever could have known to ask. I've concluded that yes, we are asking for this house, and it would be MORE than we could have expected. But we've already seen God give abundantly through the amazing people we get to work with--our lender, realtor, and family--and HE himself, knowing him, is so much more than I ever could have asked or imagined. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose." So maybe the "good" he has for us is getting this house. Maybe it's not. I've seen him be faithful to this promise in ways I would have wanted and in ways I never could have imagined--so that's what I'm "resting" in, as I attempt to rest and catch up on sleep.

I mean watch the premier of Downton Abbey.

We'll find out about the house on THURSDAY!!

I/ know a place/ where the grass is really greenest

I got the chance to go to California recently for a conference, and Katy Perry is right: the grass really IS greener. Sprinklers galore.

Green grass-- a symbol of prosperity, of life as we wish it was. I've found Wesley Hill's book Washed and Waiting to be a captivating meditation (applicable to any sinner whose hope is in Jesus!) on the fact that life in this world isn't as we wish it was. It has helped me to find hope in the fact that there are things I long for that will never be satisfied in this world--but this world is not all that there is. Every person ever, should read his book!

Also this week, Marshall and I took an 84-hour tour of the southeast, celebrating Christmas and staying with family for less than 24 hours in like 5 or 6 cities. Which meant lots of time in the car, which for us means lots of time reading aloud. We read mostly from Randy Alcorn's Heaven, and it is filling me with anticipation for what comes next (everyone should also read this book!). Because what comes next for the sinner who knows and trusts Jesus IS a life that is better than we ever imagined it could be! Christ's birth--what we celebrate on Christmas--began the work that ends with everything sad becoming untrue. Everything wrong being righted. Every tear gone.

"Hark the Herald Angels Sing" is my favorite Christmas carol; it's emotional for me to sing such an exciting song about something that really is THAT exciting to me:

Hark! the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled!"
Joyful, all ye nations rise;
Join the triumph of the skies;
With angelic host proclaim
"Christ is born in Bethlehem!"
Hark! the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail! the heaven-born Prince of Peace!
Hail! the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings,
Risen with healing in His wings.Mild He lays His glory by,
Born that man no more may die;
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King"

 

I bolded my favorite lines. . .  I love that, even though most of the time Christmas is about Santa, ipads, food, and family, there is still a time that we set aside to celebrate the great hope that Jesus offers to the world! 

 

The green grass thing came up this morning, when I was thinking about a Phil Wickham song, where he's imagining Heaven, saying, "I want to run on greener pastures/ I want to dance on higher hills. . ." It's beautiful imagery. I think that Katy Perry does express something universal: that we all want something better than what we have. Greener grass. But I look forward to something FAR better than being a "California Gurl": the hope of Heaven, made possible to me, a sinner, by Jesus Christ.

Love for the Shrugger [SPOILERS]

Someone evaluating my life  (I'm a little paranoid/perfectionistic) might tell me I should read more Christian books; I read a good number, but I also read a lot of completely secular fiction. I consistently find, though, that the stories in the books I read help me understand things in the Bible as they apply to my life. Like the illustration of a Christian's reaction to grace at the end of Jane Eyre: She receives a fortune, and immediately realizes that she wants more than anything to share it with the people she loves the most. [insert what Paul says in the introductions any of his letters] Or seeing the effects of a broken relationship between Creation and Creator in Frankenstein [Insert Romans 1]. Or understanding the pain, necessity, and gain of cutting off "sin that so easily entangles" (Heb. 12:1), illustrated in Between a Rock and a Hard Place. And so many others!

This morning at Perimeter, Randy mentioned the story of imprisonment and torture of a middle eastern pastor whom he had the opportunity to meet recently; it was a side point, but I barely heard anything else he said because I kept thinking about the horror of what he described and asking, Would I be willing to suffer that much for the Lord? and trying to find ways of getting around admitting, "Well, probably no."

I'm reading Atlas Shrugged and watching the rain, the Falcons, and my house plants--and the topic of suffering for something you love/believe came up in Atlas Shrugged. Francisco tells Dagny, "The measure of the hell you're able to endure is the measure of your love. The hell I couldn't bear to witness would be to see you being indifferent."

My first thought was, I'm not sure what measure of hell I am willing to endure out of love for the Lord; I remembered Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm [indifferent], and neither hot nore cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." What I remembered right after that was, Jesus endured LITERAL hell out of love for me, to save me. "Greater love has no one than this: that someone lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). Clearly, Jesus' love for me is greater than I realize.

Maybe I did hear the rest of what Randy said, because his message from Romans 8:35-39 was that Christ loves me in spite of my lack of love for Him. ". . . While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). THAT truth is the small seed for the love I have for him now. Clearly it's a seed for something huge if people are willing to lose everything for His sake, as He did for us. I do see though that the more I look at Christ, the more I see his love for me, and the more my love for him grows. So I attempt to "look"at him often--by reading the Bible, talking about him, thinking about him, and finding glimpses of him in fiction books!

My bad lesson from a children's Bible

I'm going running in 10 minutes, so let's see if I can say this concisely:

The moral of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah's story in Genesis 29-33 is not, as I've always believed, "You'll be loved if you're beautiful, and it sucks not to be beautiful because you won't be liked." It was pretty much my favorite story from my children's Bible, and I think it's because I read it to be about a great guy who adores a really pretty girl (named Rachel--haha).

But the more I read the Bible, and after re-reading those chapters yesterday, it is so clear that the Bible is not a book of stories about beautiful, idyllic people. Jacob's life was a wreck! Full of drama that that he caused. But God chose to bless him AND bring Christ into the world through his lineage. And for whatever reason, he did not choose Jacob's older brother who forgave Jacob after Jacob cheated him out of his inheritance. Also, Rachel is not the one God chose to bless. God used one of Leah's sons to bring Christ into the world, and he gave her tons of children (definitely more kids than I hope He gives me!). It dawned on me yesterday that the moral of the story in Genesis 29-33 is that God delights to bless unloved and unwanted people! The Bible is very clearly a story of God's making a ruined world beautiful!

My prayer is that God will embed those truths in my heart. My life would look very different if I truly believed that. I would find delight in the Lord in a way that I don't now because I am too busy trying to be lovely and desirable, when he says that it's okay that I'm not. WHILE I WAS STILL A SINNER, Christ died for me (Romans 5:8). And because of Christ, I am loved and forgiven. That's good news!

Recently, I had the shocking realization that Marshall and I are living a lifestyle we cant afford.

It's taken us this long to realize it, because we aren't the ones shouldering the debt we owe (spiritually or practically). From the little bit of research we've done so far, it's clear that there are people around the world and in the US who are oppressed, and they are the ones providing the cheap materials for products we buy and use every day. That's something I've heard my whole life, but I'm just now "getting" what that means and that I can do something about it.

Here's what we're doing, for a start:

• Learning about our role in oppressing others at http://slaveryfootprint.org/ , and becoming more educated about what Fair Trade products exist.
• Chosing, for now, two products that we will only buy Fair Trade: Coffee and Bananas--and adding products to our list as we become more educated.  
• Committing to spending more money to buy Fair Trade items instead of what we're used to buying
• Raise awareness for this issue among the people we know, as well as in the businesses we support

But here's WHY we're doing it:

God started laying this on my heart a few weeks ago while I ran across Isaiah 58:5-6 while reading Tim Keller's The Reason for God. Here's God, speaking to Israel through the prophet Isaiah:

"Is such the fast that I choose, a day for a person to humble himself? Is it to bow down his head like a reed, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

"Is this not the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?"

Strangely, though, this conviction hasn't come to me as the guilt-ridden burden it could seem like (which is how I've always perceived stuff like this before). Here's why: I have a lot of issues. First-world-problem stuff: Insecurities, based on what our culture values and based on wanting the approval of people around me. I've learned this principle recently: Those issues seem like a HUGE DEAL to me when I focus on them. But they seem a lot less huge when I seek to know who God is and when I reach out to care for others.

God also says in Isaiah 58 that when I obey his command to care for the needy, my "healing shall spring up speedily"; I will "call, and the Lord will answer" and also that "The Lord will guide [me] continually and satisfy my desire in scorched places." Summarizing an idea from these things and the rest of the chapter, God's saying to me that in caring for the poor and oppressed, he will also care for me and set me free from the things I desire that can never satisfy. I'm seeing that whatever "sacrifices" we'll make out of obedience to the Lord's call aren't sacrifices at all because we will gain Him. Basically, I want to  make this change in a desperate attempt to get rid of the things that enslave me and gain more of God Himself.

With all of this in mind, we've begun praying about what God is calling us to change in this coming year. Because it will  be a year of change, as Marshall starts law school who-knows-where, next fall. It will definitely be an adventure!!

Something Special

I just got really excited about Valentine's Day this year--Last night the Theta Xi house at Tech was bustling with Valentine's preparations. One guy was building his girlfriend a jewelry box and making plans to make her dinner and take her to see a sappy chick flick--even though the other guys made fun of him for doing it. Another guy was creating a collection of notes to slip to his girlfriend during the day and was taking her out to dinner. His girlfriend had her own plans to creatively give him a sort of "save the date" for having a nerf war with each other. Marshall asked me about Valentine's Day last week before I'd remembered it was coming up and made plans with me for when we'd celebrate; he took me out to dinner last night to a restaurant that has sentimental meaning for me. It was really sweet, and we had a great time at dinner and hanging out with his friends!

Last week, my mom mailed Valentine's packages to all my cousins who are in college. And this morning, I woke up to a Valentine's Day package from my mom--she had put together packages for us all (me, Mary Anna, and my dad) in pretty bags with candies we like in them. As we were all opening our packages, Mary Anna showed me the cookies she'd made for her boyfriend that spelled out "Be my Valentine" with icing. About that time, her boyfriend called and told her to come outside to where he had pulled up in front of our house--he had woken up early to bring her flowers and a framed picture of them.

I just love when people make things special! Valentine's Day can either be stupid/corny, OR you can embrace all the dumb stuff and take advantage of the opportunity to do something special for someone else. When I get stressed about wedding planning, I try to remind myself how special all the planning makes that day. My mom is great at making things special for other people--she's done it for me my whole life! And I generally take it for granted and consider all the "extras" to be unnecessary. But little details are part of making something really special.

I also think of how God called Israel to consecrate themselves before big events--I think of, in particular, before he gave them the law and made a covenant with them in Exodus 34. He calls them to change their lifestyle for a particular time and to do extra things that he doesn't normally ask them to do. Because of that, my prayer in all the preparations for our wedding is that God would be preparing my heart for what is ahead. When step back to think about it, I am thankful for the meticulous details of planning a wedding. All the time spent preparing emphasizes the weight of what Marshall and I are about to do--and I am thankful that both our culture and my family agrees that a wedding is an occasion to celebrate! So it's easy for me to complain about how I have to put so much time into wedding-related details that don't seem to matter, but I pray that the Lord would remind me when I want to complain that it is SO worth-it to go to great lengths in preparation for a truly special occasion.

Discipline

Running just hits a sweet spot sometimes. I LOVE it. My favorite runs are the ones I go on at sunset, when I have nothing else planned for the day and I can go as long and as hard as I want to. Some days, I don't leave enough time for my run, and I decide that a short, rushed run is better than no run. Recently, I haven't been running much but working out at the gym instead. Which has been great because I go with friends--but running is definitely my first love. I am REALLY excited for my run this morning--I knew I had to run today the second I woke up and I saw what today looked like. It is GORGEOUS outside!! I usually don't feel very well when I run in the mornings but at least I'll get to be outside!

Running/working out is a discipline for me. So is reading the Bible. I've learned that the intangible and unmeasurable benefits of a discipline are what distinguish a discipline from work or a hobby. For me, it's different even than the process of attaining a goal because there won't be a point in my life when I say "I've done it!" with regard to running--and then never run again.  It'll be a life-long thing.

I also rarely ask myself if I want to work out or run; there are a lot of times I don't want to but I know I'll be unhappy if I don't. There are incredible runs and terrible runs and runs I'm indifferent about. But if I didn't run consistently, I wouldn't experience any of that! Same with reading the Word--sometimes God encourages me in my deepest insecurities; other days, I don't experience anything spectacular. But it's the consistency that causes me to grow and enables me to experience those life-changing moments. I bet I'll find that marriage can be like a discipline in that way as well.

But today is a day where I can't wait to go running! Hopefully it'll be a day where I feel good and experience that "runner's high" of seemingly unending endurance. I love it!!