People like to write inspirational things about love and marriage because people also like to read inspirational things about love and marriage. I'm not big on inspiration. . . it doesn't usually lead to change. This post is about hope--which changes everything.
This morning, the conflict was about cleaning (note--I did get Marshall's permission to post this :) ). On the spectrum of neat freak to messy, neither of us is an extreme, but I do lean towards neat freak, and Marshall would lean towards messy. We both left the conversation frustrated.
There are a couple of things that led to resolution on my end: 1) Asking myself, "What's it like to be married to me?" Before we got married, a book I saw with that question as the title inspired me to ask myself that. Which made me realize "Sure, I can be fun to be around, but I'm also pretty hard on myself and pretty demanding of myself." That's right--I called it: I can be pretty demanding and pretty hard on Marshall. But we also have fun together. It's a big step in how I've always thought, for me to even realize that my harshness itself is sin--it's not justified just because I'm convinced I'm right and the other person is wrong.
The second thing that led to resolution for me was remembering the reality portrayed in Romans 5:8- "But God demonstrates his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." CS Lewis elaborates on this idea so well in The Four Loves:
God, who needs nothing, loves into existence wholly superfluous creatures in order that he may love and perfect them. . . If I may dare the biological image, God is a 'host' who deliberately creates His own parasites; causes us to be that we may exploit and 'take advantage of' Him. Herein is love. This is the diagram of Love Himself, the inventor of all loves.Marshall and I are "parasites" to each other sometimes--hurting and insulting each other. But what brings my heart to repentance and forgiveness is seeing the great love of our God. He needed nothing, but gave me life so that he could love me--knowing that I could never return that love to the degree he's given it to me. And that's the love described by Romans 5:8-- that when I had done nothing to deserve God's love, when I didn't want his love and didn't know I needed his love in order to be saved, he gave his life for me. God's love for me starts with me at zero-- me meriting nothing. But he gives generously! How can I self-righteously condemn another person for not being "good enough" in whatever standard I hold, when I know that I can never ever be "good enough"--and that God loved me before I could even acknowledge that I don't measure up?
I'm able to forgive and forget, knowing we will probably keep having this argument, when I rest in the love God has given to me in Jesus and let that fuel loving the people around me. I find inexpressible joy in my hope in Christ!
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