I/ know a place/ where the grass is really greenest

I got the chance to go to California recently for a conference, and Katy Perry is right: the grass really IS greener. Sprinklers galore.

Green grass-- a symbol of prosperity, of life as we wish it was. I've found Wesley Hill's book Washed and Waiting to be a captivating meditation (applicable to any sinner whose hope is in Jesus!) on the fact that life in this world isn't as we wish it was. It has helped me to find hope in the fact that there are things I long for that will never be satisfied in this world--but this world is not all that there is. Every person ever, should read his book!

Also this week, Marshall and I took an 84-hour tour of the southeast, celebrating Christmas and staying with family for less than 24 hours in like 5 or 6 cities. Which meant lots of time in the car, which for us means lots of time reading aloud. We read mostly from Randy Alcorn's Heaven, and it is filling me with anticipation for what comes next (everyone should also read this book!). Because what comes next for the sinner who knows and trusts Jesus IS a life that is better than we ever imagined it could be! Christ's birth--what we celebrate on Christmas--began the work that ends with everything sad becoming untrue. Everything wrong being righted. Every tear gone.

"Hark the Herald Angels Sing" is my favorite Christmas carol; it's emotional for me to sing such an exciting song about something that really is THAT exciting to me:

Hark! the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled!"
Joyful, all ye nations rise;
Join the triumph of the skies;
With angelic host proclaim
"Christ is born in Bethlehem!"
Hark! the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail! the heaven-born Prince of Peace!
Hail! the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings,
Risen with healing in His wings.Mild He lays His glory by,
Born that man no more may die;
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King"

 

I bolded my favorite lines. . .  I love that, even though most of the time Christmas is about Santa, ipads, food, and family, there is still a time that we set aside to celebrate the great hope that Jesus offers to the world! 

 

The green grass thing came up this morning, when I was thinking about a Phil Wickham song, where he's imagining Heaven, saying, "I want to run on greener pastures/ I want to dance on higher hills. . ." It's beautiful imagery. I think that Katy Perry does express something universal: that we all want something better than what we have. Greener grass. But I look forward to something FAR better than being a "California Gurl": the hope of Heaven, made possible to me, a sinner, by Jesus Christ.

Love for the Shrugger [SPOILERS]

Someone evaluating my life  (I'm a little paranoid/perfectionistic) might tell me I should read more Christian books; I read a good number, but I also read a lot of completely secular fiction. I consistently find, though, that the stories in the books I read help me understand things in the Bible as they apply to my life. Like the illustration of a Christian's reaction to grace at the end of Jane Eyre: She receives a fortune, and immediately realizes that she wants more than anything to share it with the people she loves the most. [insert what Paul says in the introductions any of his letters] Or seeing the effects of a broken relationship between Creation and Creator in Frankenstein [Insert Romans 1]. Or understanding the pain, necessity, and gain of cutting off "sin that so easily entangles" (Heb. 12:1), illustrated in Between a Rock and a Hard Place. And so many others!

This morning at Perimeter, Randy mentioned the story of imprisonment and torture of a middle eastern pastor whom he had the opportunity to meet recently; it was a side point, but I barely heard anything else he said because I kept thinking about the horror of what he described and asking, Would I be willing to suffer that much for the Lord? and trying to find ways of getting around admitting, "Well, probably no."

I'm reading Atlas Shrugged and watching the rain, the Falcons, and my house plants--and the topic of suffering for something you love/believe came up in Atlas Shrugged. Francisco tells Dagny, "The measure of the hell you're able to endure is the measure of your love. The hell I couldn't bear to witness would be to see you being indifferent."

My first thought was, I'm not sure what measure of hell I am willing to endure out of love for the Lord; I remembered Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm [indifferent], and neither hot nore cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." What I remembered right after that was, Jesus endured LITERAL hell out of love for me, to save me. "Greater love has no one than this: that someone lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). Clearly, Jesus' love for me is greater than I realize.

Maybe I did hear the rest of what Randy said, because his message from Romans 8:35-39 was that Christ loves me in spite of my lack of love for Him. ". . . While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). THAT truth is the small seed for the love I have for him now. Clearly it's a seed for something huge if people are willing to lose everything for His sake, as He did for us. I do see though that the more I look at Christ, the more I see his love for me, and the more my love for him grows. So I attempt to "look"at him often--by reading the Bible, talking about him, thinking about him, and finding glimpses of him in fiction books!

My bad lesson from a children's Bible

I'm going running in 10 minutes, so let's see if I can say this concisely:

The moral of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah's story in Genesis 29-33 is not, as I've always believed, "You'll be loved if you're beautiful, and it sucks not to be beautiful because you won't be liked." It was pretty much my favorite story from my children's Bible, and I think it's because I read it to be about a great guy who adores a really pretty girl (named Rachel--haha).

But the more I read the Bible, and after re-reading those chapters yesterday, it is so clear that the Bible is not a book of stories about beautiful, idyllic people. Jacob's life was a wreck! Full of drama that that he caused. But God chose to bless him AND bring Christ into the world through his lineage. And for whatever reason, he did not choose Jacob's older brother who forgave Jacob after Jacob cheated him out of his inheritance. Also, Rachel is not the one God chose to bless. God used one of Leah's sons to bring Christ into the world, and he gave her tons of children (definitely more kids than I hope He gives me!). It dawned on me yesterday that the moral of the story in Genesis 29-33 is that God delights to bless unloved and unwanted people! The Bible is very clearly a story of God's making a ruined world beautiful!

My prayer is that God will embed those truths in my heart. My life would look very different if I truly believed that. I would find delight in the Lord in a way that I don't now because I am too busy trying to be lovely and desirable, when he says that it's okay that I'm not. WHILE I WAS STILL A SINNER, Christ died for me (Romans 5:8). And because of Christ, I am loved and forgiven. That's good news!

Recently, I had the shocking realization that Marshall and I are living a lifestyle we cant afford.

It's taken us this long to realize it, because we aren't the ones shouldering the debt we owe (spiritually or practically). From the little bit of research we've done so far, it's clear that there are people around the world and in the US who are oppressed, and they are the ones providing the cheap materials for products we buy and use every day. That's something I've heard my whole life, but I'm just now "getting" what that means and that I can do something about it.

Here's what we're doing, for a start:

• Learning about our role in oppressing others at http://slaveryfootprint.org/ , and becoming more educated about what Fair Trade products exist.
• Chosing, for now, two products that we will only buy Fair Trade: Coffee and Bananas--and adding products to our list as we become more educated.  
• Committing to spending more money to buy Fair Trade items instead of what we're used to buying
• Raise awareness for this issue among the people we know, as well as in the businesses we support

But here's WHY we're doing it:

God started laying this on my heart a few weeks ago while I ran across Isaiah 58:5-6 while reading Tim Keller's The Reason for God. Here's God, speaking to Israel through the prophet Isaiah:

"Is such the fast that I choose, a day for a person to humble himself? Is it to bow down his head like a reed, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

"Is this not the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?"

Strangely, though, this conviction hasn't come to me as the guilt-ridden burden it could seem like (which is how I've always perceived stuff like this before). Here's why: I have a lot of issues. First-world-problem stuff: Insecurities, based on what our culture values and based on wanting the approval of people around me. I've learned this principle recently: Those issues seem like a HUGE DEAL to me when I focus on them. But they seem a lot less huge when I seek to know who God is and when I reach out to care for others.

God also says in Isaiah 58 that when I obey his command to care for the needy, my "healing shall spring up speedily"; I will "call, and the Lord will answer" and also that "The Lord will guide [me] continually and satisfy my desire in scorched places." Summarizing an idea from these things and the rest of the chapter, God's saying to me that in caring for the poor and oppressed, he will also care for me and set me free from the things I desire that can never satisfy. I'm seeing that whatever "sacrifices" we'll make out of obedience to the Lord's call aren't sacrifices at all because we will gain Him. Basically, I want to  make this change in a desperate attempt to get rid of the things that enslave me and gain more of God Himself.

With all of this in mind, we've begun praying about what God is calling us to change in this coming year. Because it will  be a year of change, as Marshall starts law school who-knows-where, next fall. It will definitely be an adventure!!

Something Special

I just got really excited about Valentine's Day this year--Last night the Theta Xi house at Tech was bustling with Valentine's preparations. One guy was building his girlfriend a jewelry box and making plans to make her dinner and take her to see a sappy chick flick--even though the other guys made fun of him for doing it. Another guy was creating a collection of notes to slip to his girlfriend during the day and was taking her out to dinner. His girlfriend had her own plans to creatively give him a sort of "save the date" for having a nerf war with each other. Marshall asked me about Valentine's Day last week before I'd remembered it was coming up and made plans with me for when we'd celebrate; he took me out to dinner last night to a restaurant that has sentimental meaning for me. It was really sweet, and we had a great time at dinner and hanging out with his friends!

Last week, my mom mailed Valentine's packages to all my cousins who are in college. And this morning, I woke up to a Valentine's Day package from my mom--she had put together packages for us all (me, Mary Anna, and my dad) in pretty bags with candies we like in them. As we were all opening our packages, Mary Anna showed me the cookies she'd made for her boyfriend that spelled out "Be my Valentine" with icing. About that time, her boyfriend called and told her to come outside to where he had pulled up in front of our house--he had woken up early to bring her flowers and a framed picture of them.

I just love when people make things special! Valentine's Day can either be stupid/corny, OR you can embrace all the dumb stuff and take advantage of the opportunity to do something special for someone else. When I get stressed about wedding planning, I try to remind myself how special all the planning makes that day. My mom is great at making things special for other people--she's done it for me my whole life! And I generally take it for granted and consider all the "extras" to be unnecessary. But little details are part of making something really special.

I also think of how God called Israel to consecrate themselves before big events--I think of, in particular, before he gave them the law and made a covenant with them in Exodus 34. He calls them to change their lifestyle for a particular time and to do extra things that he doesn't normally ask them to do. Because of that, my prayer in all the preparations for our wedding is that God would be preparing my heart for what is ahead. When step back to think about it, I am thankful for the meticulous details of planning a wedding. All the time spent preparing emphasizes the weight of what Marshall and I are about to do--and I am thankful that both our culture and my family agrees that a wedding is an occasion to celebrate! So it's easy for me to complain about how I have to put so much time into wedding-related details that don't seem to matter, but I pray that the Lord would remind me when I want to complain that it is SO worth-it to go to great lengths in preparation for a truly special occasion.

Discipline

Running just hits a sweet spot sometimes. I LOVE it. My favorite runs are the ones I go on at sunset, when I have nothing else planned for the day and I can go as long and as hard as I want to. Some days, I don't leave enough time for my run, and I decide that a short, rushed run is better than no run. Recently, I haven't been running much but working out at the gym instead. Which has been great because I go with friends--but running is definitely my first love. I am REALLY excited for my run this morning--I knew I had to run today the second I woke up and I saw what today looked like. It is GORGEOUS outside!! I usually don't feel very well when I run in the mornings but at least I'll get to be outside!

Running/working out is a discipline for me. So is reading the Bible. I've learned that the intangible and unmeasurable benefits of a discipline are what distinguish a discipline from work or a hobby. For me, it's different even than the process of attaining a goal because there won't be a point in my life when I say "I've done it!" with regard to running--and then never run again.  It'll be a life-long thing.

I also rarely ask myself if I want to work out or run; there are a lot of times I don't want to but I know I'll be unhappy if I don't. There are incredible runs and terrible runs and runs I'm indifferent about. But if I didn't run consistently, I wouldn't experience any of that! Same with reading the Word--sometimes God encourages me in my deepest insecurities; other days, I don't experience anything spectacular. But it's the consistency that causes me to grow and enables me to experience those life-changing moments. I bet I'll find that marriage can be like a discipline in that way as well.

But today is a day where I can't wait to go running! Hopefully it'll be a day where I feel good and experience that "runner's high" of seemingly unending endurance. I love it!!

Evidence

I came home today to an empty house (yes, I live with my parents), but I arrived at the same time as one of our close family friends who had come to give a card and flowers to my mom for her birthday. I brought them inside, and as I got a snack, I started noticing the evidence of how my mom spent her birthday: a note on the counter saying one of my cousins is coming in town February 10, several birthday gifts on the kitchen table, sticky-note reminders to my dad, sister and me, reminder of the day and time of my cousin's drivers license test that my mom registered her for, and a packed lunch in the refrigerator for Mary Anna. Someone my mom is really close to is in a really tough situation, and my mom spent last night at her house to make sure she is not alone and is okay. She will spend tonight there as well.

The care that my mom demonstrates constantly towards others is evidence of her faith in the Lord. He cares and provides and shows compassion--out of love for his people. My mom knows His love and as an outpouring of that, she gives her life for supporting and meeting needs of others. My mom's service of me and others gives me a glimpse of the depth of strength and rootedness to be found in the Lord--and I want that. Of course I want to be more like my mom; but ultimately God's work in her life is the reason for so much of who she  is. So I realized that in wanting to be more like my mom, I am essentially wanting to be more like Jesus who is the ultimate example of self-sacrifice. 

I don't know if I could ever know or express thanks for all that my mom does for me and others, but I'm thankful for her, and I love her!

No excuses!

I haven't blogged in a few days--I guess since all the excitement of the two newest Sims girls arriving home from China with Mike and Meritt. It's been glorious to be with them; I've never experienced anything like the feeling I get when they run up the driveway to jump into my arms when I arrive at their house or when they want to show me their pink fingernails that Mom painted or even watching them learn to love Mabel, the dog (who they were really scared of at first). I feel blessed to get to know them!!

I ran into something in Jeremiah last week that I didn't quite know how to handle--that also may have been a hold-up on my blogging (haha not that I'm expecting that there are people daily clamoring for another post!). People are trying to harm Jeremiah because of what he is saying to them when he has given up everything to proclaim God's words to Israel, to call them to repent. He calls out to God and asks if he cares and if he will defend him, and God essentially says that he will save anyone who repents--and points out Jeremiah's sin of not trusting God in that moment. My thought was "Of course he trusts God! He's given up everything to follow God's calling--if anyone is standing on what they believe, it's Jeremiah." 

I revisited it this morning and realized that the application for me is that there isn't any excuse for my sin. God doesn't excuse people's sins because it's "understandable"--it is apparently sin to waver in trusting God even in the most seemingly undeserving suffering. That also means for me that if another person wrongs me, I am still fully responsible for my reaction--no matter how unreasonable the other person is. In my sin, he calls me to repent; to confess, look to Christ as the one who has paid the penalty, and resolve to change. And I know that life/heart change like that is only possible through the Holy Spirit's softening and transforming of my heart. God is good! And even though he is so righteous--sinless--there is forgiveness for me because Christ was so righteous!

Submission

In the months of Marshall's and my engagement I've examined my life a lot, asking the question, "What is it going to be like to be married to me?" What are my annoying habits? Which of my weaknesses is going to have the biggest impact on me and Marshall's relationship? Are there things I can begin to grow in now that will benefit Marshall?

That thought process has helped me approach wedding planning with greater humility recently. Instead of getting frustrated with differences in how my mom and I want to do things, I've been trying to look at what I'm doing to create conflict and determine if it's representative of a consistent trait throughout my life--and pray that the Lord would grow and change me.

A related area that I need to grow in is submission. One of my coworkers teases me that I show what he considers to be symptoms of being the oldest child in my family. I'm definitely not offering that as an excuse, but I do have trouble submitting to authority. As I tried to fall back asleep when I woke up before my alarm this morning, I thought about a small but telling example of my unwillingness to submit from yesterday. I was reminded that submission to the authorities God has placed in my life (one of which will be my husband in 2 months!) is essentially trusting God. I truly do believe that the Lord knows better than I do what is best for me and that he cares for me AND that he works all things--seemingly positive or negative--for my good. So this is me choosing to walk in obedience in big and small ways by submitting to God-given authorities in my life, trusting that whatever the outcome, God has a perfect plan and is in control.

Oh, and MIKE AND MERITT GET HOME FROM CHINA TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get to meet Maggie and Mary Henley in person!!!!!!!!!!

ALL Scripture is Breathed-Out by God

I've been reading Between a Rock and a Hard Place, the lesser-known title of the book/story behind the movie "127 Hours". It's been a great book so far, but at the point where I am,  I can't believe he hasn't cut his arm off yet! It seems like he would see that he doesn't have to drag it out like this--he's already been trapped for 96 hours, and he's resigning to death rather than re-attempting to cut his arm off. Come on, Aron!

Last night I was surprised and weirded-out while reading about some hallucinations he's having--mostly because it sounded a lot like the book of Revelation in the Bible. And I'm pretty sure he hasn't read Revelation. He's in a situation of extreme suffering, and an unidentified man  in a white robe comes to him to show him visions of his family and friends (haha this also reminds me of "A Christmas Carol"). He finds great comfort in these hallucinations--they're an escape from his suffering.

Which caused me to ask the question, "Does this say something about the validity of Revelation?" John, the apostle who wrote it, was under exteme suffering for proclaiming the Good News about Jesus. And he has lengthy indecipherable visions of Jesus' future return and reign on the earth--in which he finds great comfort because of his suffering and exile.

I revisited the idea this morning by reading some of the beginning of Revelation, and it was apparent right away that yes, maybe it's similar in that extreme suffering led to visions that allowed both the apostle John AND the person Aron Ralston to mentally escape their circumstances. But John wrote words from God to real churches of his day--and they are prophetic, insightful words that address the hearts of the people of those churches; he wrote things he couldn't have known apart from a revelation from God. Then he has a bunch of crazy visions. From God. But chapters 1-3 were enough to reassure me that, no, the Bible is not comprised of the ramblings of madmen. And obviously, if I've based my entire life on the Bible, this isn't nearly the first time I've made sure it's valid--I've done a good amount of reading/research on the topic.

There are a lot of writings out there about the validity of the Bible; Lee Strobel is the person who comes to mind who has recently done a lot of research. He actually became a Christian because of his research on the Christianity's validity and veracity. If you're interested, here's a link to Lee's website that contains articles and videos on the topic:

http://www.leestrobel.com/

OH Emotions

So normally I only share thoughts/emotions with people--anyone--that are positive or indifferent. If I'm hurt by something that happens to me or is said to me, I skip over it--I'm truly not sensitive. [So no fear, those of you who I joke with constantly.] When I am emotionally affected, which is rare, I typically don't need/want to mull over it. I want to get over it and move on.

But there are those few subjects or things that upset me--I know, probably things that I have my identity tied up in that I shouldn't allow to define me. And there are those few things in the past that hurt. Through saying "It hurts" to 2 trusted people in the last few weeks, I remembered what it's like to become closer to someone through weakness. It's a good thing.

What a blessing to allow Marshall "in" and let him come through for me! Because he's there for me--and he's the only person I can talk to about a lot of things. And what a blessing to have a friend like Monica--we walked together as roommates through a confusing and emotionally tumultuous 3 month study abroad in Spain. It is good to talk with trustworthy people about things I just can't "get over" on my own. So I guess this is a shout out to Marshall and Mon, and an encouragement to others like myself: it's good sometimes to tell others "It hurts".

Pride and Paradox

This weekend was great--I processed Passion some more with Sara Sam on Friday night. I don't think I'm copping out when I say that God definitely used it in my life, but it wasn't a week of EXTREME change. God is using Passion AND his Word and other things in my life to cause change.  

Reading Jeremiah 13 Saturday morning in the context of what I had read the day before made me see that I can't change my heart; only the Lord can. I saw the stubbornness of my heart in that I hold onto things of this world, hoping for happiness--when I am in reality a God-forsaking idolator in doing so. But if following the Lord requires my heart, which I can't change (in addition to my actions, which I more or less can change)--then He is my only hope for true change.

This morning, some verses in Jeremiah 14 resonated with me; I can't quite decide why. It reads, "Although our sins testify against us, O Lord, do something for the sake of your name. For our backsliding is great; we have sinned against you. . . You are among us, O Lord, and we bear your name; do not forsake us!" Maybe it struck a chord because it tells me that God's purposes in the world are BIGGER than just getting rid of my sin. That God isn't not working in the world around me because of my sin. God mentions in chapter 13 that his people are created for his renown, praise, and honor; how could I forget that he DOES use people in spite of themselves to display His glory. In fact, we talked about that during our CSO staff "retreat" this morning now that I think about it:

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord'" (1 Corinthians 1:27-31).

What a beautiful paradox (what did we call it? we were trying to put it in kid-friendly language haha)-- that it's the weak and lowly things in this world that he chooses to bring himself honor. I truly have nothing to bring him in myself--only sin. But he planned it that way and sent Christ to redeem me. And truly, the blessings and beautiful aspects of my life are a result of his work. I have been changed and made new; not by my own effort--only by his work! I'm really not just saying that. I forget it often and boast not in him but in myself-- but it has to be said that I have seen how his love and truth have drastically transformed my life! It is a beautiful thing that Christ would suffer and die so that I can be made new by the power of his resurrection!

And I think I should add on that Christ's death and resurrection ultimately aren't even about me or people in general. It's all "to the glory of God the Father" (Philippians 2:11). We are a part of his plan and he loves us deeply--but ultimately, it's all about God. If it weren't, he wouldn't be God.

It's a love story; Baby, just say "yes".

I don't think I ever really learned to be a team player--I've been seeing that when decisions need to be made, I either want to dictate how things will be OR I want someone else to make the decision and I'll live with it. I don't really like making decisions "together". Definitely something I need to grow in for the sake of Marshall, my mom (in wedding planning), and my coworkers! haha . . .

This morning was another episode of "Randy Pope does NOT make this stuff up!" i.e., he doesn't even deduce things from concepts in scripture (oh other than the PCA's infant baptism--not relevanat)--he gets it from the Bible! I read Jeremiah 12, where Jeremiah basically says, "God, you're good and you listen to me, but I want to talk to you about your justice"--and he essentially asks, "Why don't bad things happen to bad people--and why do bad things happen to good people?" God's answer? That justice would not be a good thing for the "good" people Jeremiah alludes to; that there are no "good" people, so justice would put every single person in the wake of "the Lord's fierce anger" (verse 13). Which means they will be destroyed--vs. 17. Really? It's hard to read, but yes: really.

BUT after saying that, God says that he will have compassion on both his people Israel AND on non-Jews who give up their false gods and devote their lives to him. It struck me as such rich compassion--God draws a clear analogy throughout this book and the rest of the Old Testament: Israel was his bride, but she is prostituting herself with other gods (Jer.3:1, 20; 5:11). She goes through the motions of a relationship with him, but she doesn't truly love him. Her heart is somewhere else (Jer. 12:2).

Why don't I always hear God's emotions in what he writes? He loved his people but they betrayed him. He pursued and captivated their hearts--they sang songs to him, like in Exodus 15 after he rescued them from slavery. And he knew they would forget and want to be unfaithful to him--so he warned them not to forget. but they forgot and betrayed him over and over and over and over. Isn't this what sin does to all of us? We are betraying, unfaithful, selfish people who disregard the One who loves us. I have hurt him--the one who loves me and has given me everything.

But even in the midst of my betrayal, he calls to me, "Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding" (Jer. 3:22). His compassion is so rich that Christ--God as a man--took the "Lord's fierce anger" on himself in my place, even though he had lived his life faithfully to the Lord and deserved zero anger. He is the only person who justly didn't deserve God's punishment. But he died out of love for me--while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me (Romans 5:8). It is amazing that I am loved like that--what a good God I serve! Lord, give me an undivided heart.

Covenant

Whoaaaa. . .  my mind is blown. No one is making up covenant theology in the Bible (not that I ever disagreed with it; I saw that the idea was consistent in scripture)--but no one is even deducing it from what is in scripture. It IS in scripture. I don't know how I never saw it before, but reading Jeremiah this morning, it clicked. I don't have time to finish this thought fully, but here's what I read:

"I brought on [Israel] all the curses of the covenant I had commanded them to follow that they did not keep" (Jeremiah 11:8). My thought was what? I know that's not how God deals with my issues/sin--Christ dealt with mine at the cross when he paid the debt for them. And then I looked at Matthew 26:28, where Jesus says, "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."  JESUS' blood was the blood that paid for my failure at keeping my end of my covenant with God (that says that I will obey him). That's why, now that I am under the "covenant of grace", when I make a marriage covenant to Marshall, I'll be committing to love him instead of treat him as he deserves, when he doesn't keep his end of our covenant--when he doesn't love me perfectly. This is so beautiful!!

Sara Sam, see you at the gym in 20 minutes--I will STILL make it on time.

Football is SO great!!

I love the people in my life--Marshall, family, friends, my coworkers/friends, and the community of acquaintances that connect people. Supposedly, everyone in the world is 4 degrees of separation from any other person in the world. What?!

I was in tears reading the Sims' blog this morning--adoption is so beautiful. And little girls and bows and giggles and tu-tu's are precious. And adoption is that much more beautiful because of the reality it represents of how God relates to me! http://msims7.blogspot.com/ Also, I was REALLY excited to be back at work today to see everyone--working out with Sara this morning and talking about Passion with people made my day! Everyone is SO great! AND I am REALLY excited to watch the National Championship game with friends--some people are excited about the game; I just love football because it brings people together haha! but Roll Tide!

Fear

"Do not learn the ways of the nations or be terrified by signs in the sky, though the nations are terrified by them. . . Do not fear them; they can do no harm nor can they do any good" (Jeremiah 10:2,5b).

What does our nation fear? My first thought is that people in general fear losing money, success, popularity, beauty, and independence. But when I thought about it in my own life, I realized that all of those come down to a fear of other people. I/we want the good opinion of others--some or even most of us rise and fall with what we perceive others' opinion of us to be. But as I kept reading, I was reminded that I don't need to "fear" other people--I foolishly live in fear when I don't have to!

"No one is like you, O Lord. . . the Lord is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King" (Jer. 10:6,10)--the Lord is greater than any person. I am also reminded of Romans 8:31,37 which say that "If God is for us, who can be against us? . . .We are more than conquerors through him who loved us." God would be Lord even if he weren't good--but he is good! He sent Christ to restore the relationship with him that my sin had broken so that I could be set free from fear; in order that I could bring him honor, knowing that he is greater than all others!

Pursuing Happiness

God continues to be faithful to speak to me. More than I had realized, I have been seeking happiness in things other than Him--and scripture is clear that I'll never find it in anything other than following the Lord. "'They pour out drink offerings  to other gods to provoke me to anger. But am I the one they are provoking?' declares the Lord. 'Are they not rather harming themselves, to their own shame?'" (Jeremiah 7:19). In this and many other things I have read in scripture, it is clear that with regard to his people (me being one of them), God wants peace, life and joy for them. And he knows that they will only find that in knowing Him. How could I forget that?!

R.C. Sproul says it clearly when he writes, "From the primordial temptation of Adam and Eve to last night's satanic seduction, the lie has been the same. 'If you do what God says, you will not be happy. If you do what I say, you will be 'liberated' and know happiness'" (Knowing Scripture, 33).

My hope truly lies in Christ! If not for his sacrifice on my behalf--were he not the propitiation for my sin--I would have remained believing that lie, blinded in my sin. But he saved me. He set me free to find the joy I have always been looking for in the only place I can find it-- in knowing, loving and submitting to God. !!!!

Living and Active

It's because of Francis Chan's talks at the Passion conference that I decided to truly examine my heart as I read scripture this morning. Here's what I found:

It's true: "The Word of God is living and active" (Hebrews 4:12). In reading Jeremiah 6 this morning, I was convicted. Isaiah 29:13 sums up what I realized about myself; it says that "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me; their worship of me is made up of only rules taught by men." It seems harsh, but I can't deny that that is where my heart is right now--I am doing many of the "right" things, but I don't "delight [myself] in the Lord" (Psalm 37:4)?

Jeremiah's words are more specific and reveal more about where my heart is:

"They do not plead the case of the fatherless to win it, they do not defend the rights of the poor. . . They dress [their wound] as though it were not serious. 'Peace, peace,' they say, when there is no peace" (Jer. 5:28, 6:14). Do I advocate and care for people who need help? No, I selfishly leave them behind to get ahead. And I don't look back--I act like it's not a big problem.

And it isn't that I'm doing something bad and need to be better. It's that I'm missing out--I have "forsaken the spring of living water and have dug [my] own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water" (Jeremiah 2:13). I know, as Jeremiah writes, that "[my] sins have deprived [me] of good." In the Lord is true life and joy--and I am seeking that in things other than him!

And on my own, I am stuck--I can't change my heart. But I know that the Lord can, and that is the only hope for me. My prayer is that the Lord would give me an undivided heart, that I may fear his name; that I will delight myself in the Lord and in him find the desires of my heart (Psalm 86:11, 37:4)! All that I want in life can only be found in the Lord!  

And the good news--the GREAT news--is that through Jesus, I am forgiven and can be restored and made new! Because he lived the life I should have lived and died the death I should have died, I am at peace with God. Christ says, "Peace" and there is peace in spite of my sin! He deserves honor and praise!

Home from Passion 2012

What an amazing ministry Passion is--the Lord is using the leaders of the conference to do amazing things for His kingdom and renown. I can't really begin to sum up what I took away from the conference yet. I'm just trying to stay awake until 8ish tonight--it was an exhausting week, but it was well worth it!

In reading the news coverage surrounding Passion's action against human trafficking, I stumbled on this article: http://thecnnfreedomproject.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/05/undercovers-crack-slave-labor-gang/. It is compelling to me because in the time I spent studying abroad in Spain in 2009, I heard nothing about national social issues like this. The article caught my eye because I was very impacted by the film "Biutiful" when I saw it last year--it heart-wrenchingly portrays the type of slavery that the article talks about. It's a movie worth seeing!
Also, now that I'm home I am SUPER excited to read Mike and Meritt's blog!! They picked up Mary Henley at her orphanage a few days ago, and I have finally had a chance to look at pictures they have posted. http://msims7.blogspot.com/

I also can't wait to hear how Providence has been for Mary Anna. She's briefly told me it is good so far!